Frage von Metaschnitt:
Hey guys,
We have made a few days before our first short film done.
We did not have much equipment available, but we have tried to make the best of it.
Maybe I watch her give it to you once s.and tips or the like.
Thanks
Part 1 / 2 -
Part 2 / 2 -
Antwort von 0711video:
um ... I clicked away habs after 2:01, because I ("points" for example) in that time nearly three barely legible title line and got to see an endless, boring running around the platform ...
Antwort von Spielkind:
Although synonymous am not a professional, but the film is too long .... muuuch have after 3 min durchgezappt nurnoch to the end. saw some scenes technically very good (light and color, composition), but the whole film I watch to me why not, this is a distressing.
Antwort von Debonnaire:
Technically very well filmed (HDSLR?), But dramatic pacing and from her truly corrosive boring!
How long does the music video usual audience of the 21 Century around a five-letter word such as "points" to be able to read, understand and reliably? 8 seconds? And how long before he must then recover from pure black, and make this idea until it is ready for the main title? Likewise, almost eight seconds? Therefore you can move the main title ever not read properly, as it is in "full speed" and still stalled blurred. What's more, that the main title is an unknown word, in a strange spelling. But at least you can calm back then remember that you "show" it off quite well, had a half a minute before ... ;-)
If you shoot at a passer-by running into the picture straight into the camera stares (TC 0:01:39), then PLEASE turn the setting again! Nothing screams "amateur" and "Beginners" as loud as the breaking of the "fourth wall" in a fictional movie!
Quite böööhzer axis jump at TC 00:01:43, followed unheilschwangerem of incomprehensible, completely übergeschauspielertem text of the performer.
The return swing of the (subjective) view of the camera to follow the train along is completely unnecessary and also incorrect because the performers at TC 00:01:59 exactly what the camera movement in the opposite direction, turning to us. Cut Out!
The train door closes slowly crippling and in complete detail, only to get to then disregard the already cut at full speed moving train in the same setting? As people get a Kotzkrampf in the stomach!
And what we see then it felt during 30 seconds (it was almost 4) the deserted platform of the station Lethe, when the train is already out of the picture, only to the root region of the seats in the car just drove off to get shown? Disjointed narrative flow and from her is the crap!
Virtually all the scenes (up to the TC 0:02:31), where I weggklickt asleep just before me, are assembled with too much pre-and follow-up before / after the actual action part. Have a look at a real movie and critically aware s.punkto Timing and rhythm, then revised your work and makes it again online. Then your in one piece. It could well be that we are then lead to heart completely and make more in-depth comments. In the current state I do not really do to me!
Sorry, but you have the movie times outside of yourself enthusiastic creator group showed someone for a very first (non-online-public) criticism? As is true real easy nothing yet!
But just as I had already written several times: every day MUST render movies and sensor warm fresh ultimatum immediately rausgeyoutubed in the world before synonymous only the smallest own revision has been made of it! I can still not understand ...
So, and now you can back me with hate speech to shower, how little generous but I all the newbies in the video "business" was over, etc., etc..
With each new this Trivialfilmchen here in the same forum, I am less generous in my view, that it is not worth the stuff synonymous only once to look through completely, because I assume that virtually everyone who here his little work oh so greedy thirsting after criticism accuses the public, even during a good while
has already been read by experienced and x similar criticism threads. And yet he then sets his movies with all the already x times criticized here (usually same / similar) errors, imperfections and shortcomings mercilessly in the first raw online without having synonymous only a little bit from many places, understood what has been said and put in his own work. So what should be a specific criticism of the current work to bring anything, if for no other shooting is now covered by the makers of their own ???!!!
It will actually synonymous hardly anyone really listen CRITICISM (synonymous when being required so explicit it), but simply "great, cool next, so super early, yes, yes, yes!"
Antwort von 0711video:
it would help even because of the length of your material if it the film to 8 minutes (maximum), thus shortened to 25% and heeded her all the above tips vorgeschlagenenen. less is more.
but 32 minutes of something to see titles with 8 seconds as "points", not pretty.
Antwort von NEEL:
Well, first of all: Visually beautiful and the story is visible.
The A & O in the script writing is the character development and plotting.
Your character does not behave "naturally" and that weakens the course of action. First, the figure would wake up, remember that as the train, get up, go to the door and press a button to open the door. That did not happen. Instead, your character starts running. Why?
Why your character is the first case and are shaking your head? Is not it normal that somewhere stops a suitcase? A quick sideways glance would have done it first. Then the protagonist should not forget to shake s.den doors. The next time you run it might have been curious to see the same case at the same position again. Click to vote neither the end nor the timing of the scene (s).
Depending on how you've created your character (= with any kind of character do you have equipped them) they respond now. It opens the suitcase? Or she is working hard to get out of the car? They would not try to smash the door? Fire extinguisher case and are ready for it ... I can not imagine a figure that would not be panicked (and only now trying to go through the whole train). But you let them fall asleep. Why? Why do they look after you wake up as eternal and quiet in the mirror? If your character behaves abnormally, you must provide your reasons. They will not though.
The storytelling in the first part is lagging quite well. The next time you should take better care it. A little tip: Normally already given in the first scene, a reference to the subject and the character of the film, s.besten raised a question that keeps the audience at the bar ...
Part Two:
The protagonist finds the suitcase s.der door. The case has s.sich not dangerous. Why he took him by so slowly, as if he had something to fear? Such a scene has to be better prepared for example, by a threat, etc. The viewer feels just a disagreement. Even after the opening of the case we do not understand what she has seen the Protaginist and why that should frighten us. It lacks the ability to empathize. But this is very important, we want to sympathize. Only after an infinitely long shot to his face, eternal reaction shots (reaction what of it?) You let him see a still image. We know, however, never what he sees and why he therefore should be sad.
For the rest is: The audience (myself included) will not see any suffering actor. And certainly not German suffering whenever they were supposed to play ;-)
From the now missing action should the final result. The protagonist wants with his girlfriend do not end. Why not? Will she kill herself? I did not understand it really. And here we are at the plot, because this information must be set much more precisely. A little tip: The story always think of her conclusion. This helps tremendously during structuring.
I think you should revise the script correctly (how about even with a script workshop?), This structure better, and psychology to rate each timing credible and make the film again. Possibly (if the actor still looks like) so rich synonymous reshoots. To the long shots were indeed of other addressed. But anyway: There is already a respectable performance that have done it. So do not hang your head, you learn from mistakes and that's the goal! And s.Ende a good short film will come out with!
Best regards,
Neel
Antwort von Frank B.:
@ Neel
It was really the case, so he supported at the first stop by.
I think the film made quite interesting, I like being synonymous Neel and Debonnaire some things illogical and not like that. However I do want to explain some seemingly illogical at first movement of the performers and some cuts, if you see the end. Many a rough picture jump appears to have been motivated so. Nevertheless, much remains synonymous for me too many open questions (What does the guy there on the list from the case, why he has Skupel to open his own case, why he howls as eternal time around to have operated without the door? Why a emergency brake in a stationary train?) and synonymous many cuts incomprehensible. I can not understand the example, if synonymous halfway Achssprung laminated between the departure of the train from the station and the journey of the man on the train. Although the meantime, the floor of the compartment is displayed in which the young man takes its place. Then the train goes in the opposite direction of the departing train. That irritates me.
Furthermore, my color jumps within the film have noticed negative. If the plans should have been, they agree not to me. If not, this is a vulnerability. Just as the title here on several occasions called design.
Somehow I feel the film, as he had suffered on drugs;)
Antwort von Metaschnitt:
Thanks for your reviews :-)
I declare once briefly a few things to film. Many things should be understood as Mataphern. Before he found his bag on the train, shortly before he opens it he will come out from the toilet. The film alludes to grieschiche mythology. The water which he drinks in the toilet will represent the water from the river Lethe. Therefore s.Anfang synonymous Lethe where the train moves away. Therefore this setting. He comes out and drank the water, according to mythology has forgotten his old life ".... In any event, the film works sort of. We want to resolve anything in the film great. We do not make a movie.
I go next no closer to everything.
Much s.euren reviews I have great sympathy. Thank you for that :-) Some are nonsense:-D Wuhu.
Antwort von Frank B.:
Hm, you have to comprehend the first time. Even with good philosophical knowledge (which I unfortunately did not) I would not so quickly the river Lethe with water from a toilet (this is actually a metaphor for something else;)) get the name.
Also, it would still be illogical that the man had previously been done and are mentally "turning in circles."
I always find it of advantage if the audience can interpret the metaphors used synonymous.
Antwort von NEEL:
Thanks for your reviews :-)
I declare once briefly a few things to film. The art of filmmaking is synonymous in it, after having to explain anything.
Many things should be understood as Mataphern. Forget it. No man understands your metaphors, because they do not appear simple.
Before he found his bag on the train, shortly before he opens it he will come out from the toilet. The film alludes to grieschiche mythology. The water which he drinks in the toilet will represent the water from the river Lethe. Therefore s.Anfang synonymous Lethe where the train moves away. Therefore this setting. What kind of cheese.
We want to resolve anything in the film great. We do not make a movie. Since you've understood something correctly. It's not whether you make movies, but if you want to tell a story (in which case, you can). If you do not want to dissolve (can), why do not you say that before? Such a sentence s.den beginning and I would not have wasted 30 minutes of my life on your piece of work.
I go next no closer to everything. Hardly Arrogant. Then let it stay flat, but please do not ask for more tips.
Much s.euren reviews I have great sympathy. Thank you for that :-) Some are nonsense:-D Wuhu. Sorry, but I will now really like a Verarsche. I take my time because I know that everything is hard to earn, by the way with screenwriting Money share my knowledge and love, but with your attitude seems to be the real waste of time ...
Antwort von Metaschnitt:
oh sorry now but should be as the sound at all. so arrogant ^ ^
yes only one with such was the Lethe. the story is s.sich someone made a mistake. evidence-and will get dropped off the things he has started. a second chance.
Antwort von Frank B.:
Also, sorry;)
But never, and never comes across it. What, then, there is a second chance? It seems to me rather like an endless loop. The telephone call from the boy s.Ende s.Anfang and is the same as he ascends again in the train. Basically, he does not come back. If even a second chance, then blew. In itself, would be synonymous not a bad idea for a movie: We live in an endless loop until it is completely over.
PS: But once you consolation. I have seen much worse initial contributions. Can be expanded, what have you done since.
Antwort von Axel:
I agree with my outpost. There are many good things in the film, which particularly affects the mood in some images. But there are not so much synonymous Successful. The best you can in the future is not so away Successful ;-)))
(Can you still: Cut!)
And you busy with acting. Since there are lay people, they tend to be talented, or at least completely inexperienced in playing. Therefore we must not
let them play. You have to show they can. It's about the right order, the right words, sometimes about nothing to say or apparently the wrong thing. Has a bit to do with psychology, at least with logic. You have cast the people who know so what you see in them. not the wreck, is already the beginning to fail at the most. Everything else to bring to an actor to
move viewers, can not be put into recipes, and it is what separates the wheat from the chaff.
